I Must Be Getting Old

I can't believe it is already 2009. What's funny about that is when I was little, all the futuristic shows would take place in some year like 2019 and that seemed sooooooo so so so so far away. . .um, yeah, that's only 10 years from now. Shouldn't we be wearing our space gear and flying around the universe by now? Geez.

I just celebrated (a bit begrudgingly) my 34th birthday. It was a weird birthday because 34 seems so much closer to 40 than 33 did. In fact, 33 just doesn't sound old to me. But 34, that's a different story with a whole different feel. Plus, I'm sure my metabolism has just completely shut down altogether and if I gain another pound, I'm going to scream! Or, I could start exercising again, but I'm lazy and like to blame it on the fact that I'm older now.

But I digress. The other day I was sitting in my chemistry lecture. There is a girl who sits on my left who is fresh out of high school. (And yes, that also makes me feel old.) Anyway, on this particular day, she sat on my right. She pulled out the next assigned lab and asked me if I had gotten everything put in order. I could tell from all the times she had crossed out her answers that she'd been struggling with it. I showed her the order I got and we compared our answers. She got hers all straightened out and then she left for her lab session.

At the following lecture two days later, I sat in my usual place with high school girl on my left and one of my lab partners on my right (who has sat there since the semester began, except for the scenario above). My lab partner pulls out her lab and asks me what order I got on it. I said, "I thought you got it all straightened out last time." She said, "Um...I don't think so because I just printed this off last night so I wouldn't have had it with me last time." I said, "Don't you remember that we compared our answers and you had gotten a few out of order, so you crossed them out and fixed them?" She looked at me like I was crazy. Then she said, "I sat on the end of this row last time because I was late, remember?" (I'm pausing here while I'm trying to figure out this extremely confusing situation and I honestly believe that she is the one who's got it all wrong!) Plus, to make things even more annoying she's looking at me all tenderly like someone trying to explain a simple concept to a sweet little old senior citizen suffering from Alzheimer's. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had somehow gotten her confused with high school girl. If she had said, "Awww. That's OK," and patted my head, I would have popped a vein out of frustration. With that came the horrible realization that I was the idiotic one. No, not just the idiotic one--the OLD idiotic one suffering from a bad case of BrainTissueSlowlyOozingOutOfHeadDueToOldAge Syndrome. Not one of my better moments.

To top it off, I had to give the opening prayer in sacrament meeting today. Now if you know me, you know how much I HATE any form of public speaking, including praying in front of a gigantic crowd. Honestly, I would rather die than talk in church. But I thought I would do the right thing and give the bloody prayer because it would give me good practice and help me with my public speaking issues--the more you do it, the better you get, right? Plus, I can't deal with the guilt of saying no to the bishop. It's just one teeny tiny prayer. I will live.

So, I'm singing the opening hymn and as it gets closer to the last line of the song, I feel myself getting a little nervous. Not more than anyone else would be. Cool. I can do this. No problem. But by the time I make it from my seat near the back up to the stand, my breathing rate has increased. Yes, nervous equals faster breathing. Whatever. That's fine. However, since I was nervous, I didn't take a second to judge how close my mouth was to the microphone before closing my eyes. I don't think I could have gotten any closer to it without putting the whole thing in my mouth. But as you probably know, this just means that any sound you make is magnified about 10,000 times. Including my breathing. This resulted in every pause being filled up with one big, very loud exhalation. But since I'm still nervous, I am somehow frozen in place. I cannot force my back muscles to pull my face back a couple of inches from the microphone. Until I say, "Amen," and then my muscles are conveniently operational again. They always fail me at the most inconvenient times. Must be a result of my SpasticNervousSystemThatIsDeterioratingDueToOldAge Syndrome. Yes, that's definitely it.

After I sit back down, I lean over and ask Jere if I sounded like I was going to wet my pants. He says, "No. You actually did really well." I think, "Phew. It was all in my head." Then he adds, "Except that you were breathing really loud."